I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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