People in love make me want to vomit
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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