She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
