I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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