Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
