Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
