I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
