I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are a genius and a whore.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
