My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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