I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
