It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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