I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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