i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
