Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
