who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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