how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
