there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
