Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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