Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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