That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
