I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
