I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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