So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize