Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
