dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
