The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
