I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
