I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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