I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
