Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
