and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
