god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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