Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
