dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
