He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
