You're a womanizer and a bitch.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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