He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
