somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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