Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
