i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
