I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
