so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
