you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize