you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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