Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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