so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She even gives head with a lisp.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
