remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Welp...herpes.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
