i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
