got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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