You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
