oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
