ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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