I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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