What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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