careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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