you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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