He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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