It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
