Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
