how can u be prego again
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize