Will you blow on my dice?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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