My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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