We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
