are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
