I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
