Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
