the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
