I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
