I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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